Wandering The Post-Apocalyptic Wastelands With April Shitface, Part 5

It’s time again to join April Shitface in her adventures across the barren Washington D.C. some two hundred years in the future, as she loots and kills her way through quests from random NPCs while idly looking around for her lost father.


April, just hanging around an undetonated nuclear bomb in a shallow pool of water. I believe it was done as a part of a quest in which your goal is to become radiated. There are no visual signs of the effects of radiation in the game, like hair falling out and bleeding from one’s rectum, which is a shame. Your do walk a bit slower if your radiation level reaches a certain level. Radiation is annoying like that.


Doggie! Upon entering a scrapyard I found Dogmeat, the game’s token canine. He (or she?) also appears to be a very strong dog, as he was able to (accidentally) move cars when I first encountered him; he would run to follow along with April, get stuck on some cars, and the cars would end up moving so he could continue running.  Anyway, he and April became close friends and decided to team up to loot and kill their way through the remnants of Washington D.C. together.


A closer shot of Dogmeat. You can see that he suffers from heterochromia, an incurable condition which increases his cuteness.

It’s too bad you can’t actually name the dog; the dog is never referred to by name in any audio recordings, so it doesn’t seem like it would have been too hard to implement. It’s actually strange that you know that the dog is named Dogmeat, as he has no collar or dog tag, and he incapable of communicating beyond the normal limits of a canine.


The sun setting (I think) on an old graveyard. I was half-expecting this place to be crawling with zombies, bursting through the graves, especially at night, but no such luck.

Speaking of the undead…


So, I was minding my own business, making my way through an area I’d already cleansed of evil doers (mind you, evil doers do have a nasty tendency to respawn), when I suddenly see a strange bright red humanoid figure from afar. Upon closer inspection, it appears to be the innards of one of the slain evil doers, which you can see on the ground. This freak of nature seems complacent to just stand there, and clearly does not pose a threat, other than maybe to April’s delicate female sensibilities.

An amusing, if somewhat disgusting and unsettling, bug. Or the effects of excessive radiation? As opposed to just the right amount of radiation.



Extreme close up! He looks quite friendly. I wish he could’ve joined my party.


Extreme action shot! April and Dogmeat working together to take down a random Raider. That’s for insulting her delicate female sensibilities!

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